i think my spirit craves summer vacation. only now, as the kids are going back to school does it seem right to settle down into life once again. this life, the one happening now.
after getting married this summer, we went to santa fe, new mexico for our honeymoon. being there all felt right- i decided then that i could live in honeymoon land forever... sleeping in next to one another while the sun lifted higher thru the morning sky, mid-afternoon cigars on adobe patios, listening to classical guitar while waiting for a table at the local eatery (we love you 'the shed'!) all seemed right in my world to live this free...life companion next to me, a whole future ahead.
coming back to normal life was a complete let down. it seems i barely managed through. none of it made sense at first. though i know better logically, my heart yearned for a life that wasn't mine. feeling so free and excited for our new life as husband and wife...needing to be at work by 8 wasn't making sense, i felt trapped.
being in that space might be dangerous for the soul. without love of life, without appreciation- the good things seemed to dissolve quickly and quicksand appeared right below my feet. if there is any spiritual teaching that seems to dance across all religions, it might be to be grateful for all that you currently have. to look so negatively at all you have been given might be one of the greatest sins ever... but it was happening, with or without me.
just when i started giving in and getting used to the idea that this was real life, just when the surrender occurred... it's as though the clouds strewn across my heart lightened- almost like clockwork, on saturday afternoon.
i found my dreams again!
marrying my husband was one of my greatest dreams come true. i mistakenly thought that all of my other dreams would magically appear too at the exact same time. now i know, that they just might all appear, but each in their own time.
the state of my house and i are completely in tune with one another. if things are too messy or dirty, so to is my emotional self. and so, by cleaning and organizing-something occurs inward as well. last night, while gathering all of my old journals to make space on the bookshelf, i found my breakthroughs binder.
last summer, a year ago to our wedding date, i took at class at our local new age church. i've always been a self-development junkie and this class was one of my favorites. looking through my binder, i found a list of all of the dreams. they are the same ones i've had for as long as i can remember. numbered 1-7, all of my dreams are listed.
1. i will get married. i will walk down the aisle and make a vow of forever love with adam.
in that, i realize that dream #1 is now here. and seeing this, i realized that bit by bit, minute by minute the others will arrive too, and to enjoy the linger in between.
you wanna know what the other 6 dreams are? here, they are!
word for "in the moment" word:
2. have babies, sharing our love with the world.
3. go back to school at iliff and be an active student.
4. become a professor at unc-chapel hill
5. live in different places in the summer with our kids
6. be a speaker and have a radio show
7. write books.
