keds: a self reclaimed

at some moments, it feels necessary to materialize an inner finding.
at new seasons, it becomes necessary to shop for foot coverings that keep toes toasty.

this day of cold and gloom was fitting. the past few days have been a melancholy kind of spree. these fall leaves falling, it seems a part of myself also expired and fell away. and while some things are necessary- we really don't always choose. it seems sometimes we are a prisoner to our moods- at least it is my fate somedays.

this melancholy spree has been the mainstay and I really wondered if perhaps this mood was to stay, was to move right in and set up shop. And surrenderingly so, I dragged my melancholy self down to the store to find a decent foot covering, namely shoes for the cooler months.

i eyed some converse- i've always fancied those starry sneakers. i wondered about them... they even had plaid ones. which made me consider...but in the end, when the facts are faced, no, they aren't me- melancholy or not. there were also 'simples.' seeing those sneakers brought me right back to middle school. jessica horal wore simples. jessica was the coolest girl in the whole school and probably the whole world in 1994. i faced it back then and i squarely faced it today- i am not a 'simple' sneaker gal, i am no jessica horal, i.......

wear keds.

i was a ked girl. straight up keds. the fact is... i am still a ked girl. maybe i've always been a ked girl. if fetuses came out wearing shoes, we can put 20 on red that i would have been wearing me some nice clean keds with my birthday suit.

and there they were. in the very back of the store, very back. which suits me just find because me and my keds could become reacquainted in private. seeing them on the shelf, my heart skipped a beat, but my mind followed up my heart with a naggy- 'you wore those in middle school, you've outgrown them.' for a second I agreed with my mind, but my heart still wanted me to try them on at least. and, just like the olden days, they fit.
to a T.

and in that moment, a large chunk of my melancholy dissolved as a part of my self was reclaimed. those keds reminded me of a simple part of me that i left in 8th grade. my old is new again. a ked self reclaimed.

until today i thought that i hated middle school, which i pretty much did. i survived those years. merely survived. i never fell into the fads. they were so not me i couldn't even fake it. i wasn't a surfer girl, or a skater girl. i had NO boobs. my hair was dishwater blonde and terribly wavy. i wore straight jeans and striped v-neck shirts....everyday i'm mostly sure. jason hoyos sat behind me in advanced science class and had no clue i existed, despite my undying love for him. all the cool kids rode their bikes to school or walked and smoked cigarettes under "the tree." i rode the bus, in front. i survived, making it thru the days so my real life could begin, when i could talk on the phone with LL or Barey- my 2 best friends from elementary school that, by the evil doing of it all, went to seperate middle schools. Every night we talked on the phone, eating Doritos and drinking Coke, dreaming of all things we would do when we were old- like sit at Paris cafe's at night time.

until today, middle school was 'the lost years.' but in fact, i do believe that they weren't lost years, i only left an important part of myself back there. the self that today, by virtue of memories brought about by keds foot coverings, i reclaimed. 

let the leaves fall, and with them, any pieces that no longer fit. let the cool air chip away to find the simple and true.
back to basics.