Normal life resumes. our nuclear family is back under one roof, meaning AMC, myself and our Muttie cat. While I was in the urban jungle of them all, AMC was in the real jungle of Costa Rica for nine days. Last night I fetched him from the airport, and even went inside because this trip was a honker. All I could do was get inside that airport sooner to see his backpack carrying, beard donning self come bounding up in real life. He and his adventure friend went to a sea turtle rescue reserve for nine days on a remote island- with no internet or phone. none. in 2011. phew. I realized after not hearing from him on his second day that there would be no communication. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but then again, I knew I had no pull in the matter so, I believe I called upon the great defense mechanism in my arsenal--denial. thank god for denial to help trick myself into thinking that I didn't miss my husband to be more than I could handle. I could feel that he was far, that was sure, but somehow there were were no tears, no mopey days and sleepless nights- thanks to my denial- I was able to enjoy most of my moments. It wasn't until yesterday, when I received an email from him, saying that he made it back to the capital city and was at an internet cafe. It was then that tears filled my eyes and came down. And then the moping set it. It was as if I hearing that he would be home in hours was all it took for me to let that defense mechanism fall away and those emotions spilled over the covering of my heart and sunk in. I could let myself miss him, and I could recognize how much I had been feeling, despite my attempts to ignore.
The morning he left, as we were driving to the airport he remarked how good it felt to wear adventure pants instead of slacks and carry a backpack instead of a computer bag. He was getting back to his roots. And seeing him get off the plane last night with his grown out beard, he looked exactly like when I first went to a KyMani Marley concert with him- he looked like he did when I fell in love with him. Back to his roots, and me, back from a city escapade, back to mine.
On the drive home last night, we took turns telling one another snippet stories about our trips. AMC seemed to experience a completely new something- a break from producing. There is hardly a more productive person. For him, if there is spare time he's on the computer drawing designs for athletic gear for the company he and his brother have created in honor of their youngest brother's life- called DieM. Or he is drawing, painting or practicing bowling. He is the ultimate do-er, for which I do my best in taking notes. He makes things happen. I can only imagine how unique it was to have so much time to hang out, to have spider monkeys drop nuts and small branches down on them to signal their territory, to have an anteater come down from it's tree to stake it's home as well. To spend the full moon night exploring the jungle and have kayak excursions during the day. To hold freshly hatched turtles and release them into the great wide ocean world. He remarked that it put his values into check, and brings him back with a fresh perspective. After talking last night, I said that if we were both computers, it was as if the trips we had taken had just freed up memory on our hard drive, cleansed.
One thing that suprised us both was AMC never drew in his notebook and I didn't do as much blogging as I thought I would. It turns out that the both of us were so taken with the moment, so fully present that we couldn't. It's like being in a beautiful place and so wrapped up in it that you forget to take a picture. Our trips, albeit drastically different jungles, provided such a blast of new- that our brains were busy processing, there was little room for creativity. But now, being home and comfortable- it's flooding in. For me, it's post after post I have for ideas. I'm mostly sure if I had a week off from work, I could spend it blogging, the whole of it.
So, perhaps that is what travel does. And why it is so important to partake in. Seeing new places uses new areas of your brain, and reminds your heart of what it really loves. It allows you to view the lives others are living, so different than your own, but yet, if chosen- you could do the same. For me, having my AMC so far, I learned that for me, our relationship is a home for me. It is out in the world that I take chances, sometimes getting bruised by experiences or by other people, but I always know that he is waiting for me, to comfort me, to remind me that I can take chances because I always have home to go back to. I think that is what marriage is, an initiation into a space that can be created between two people. A space where two people find solace in eachother's affection. A space of peace and calm inside of a world that can be vastly different.
The feeling of growing stronger after a time of separation reminds me of the wisdom of The Prophet. which says of Marriage:
"Fill eachother's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
On our trips we both did what we love. I, exploring social culture and AMC exploring the animal world. Following our passions breeds passion.
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