Normal life resumes. our nuclear family is back under one roof, meaning AMC, myself and our Muttie cat. While I was in the urban jungle of them all, AMC was in the real jungle of Costa Rica for nine days. Last night I fetched him from the airport, and even went inside because this trip was a honker. All I could do was get inside that airport sooner to see his backpack carrying, beard donning self come bounding up in real life. He and his adventure friend went to a sea turtle rescue reserve for nine days on a remote island- with no internet or phone. none. in 2011. phew. I realized after not hearing from him on his second day that there would be no communication. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but then again, I knew I had no pull in the matter so, I believe I called upon the great defense mechanism in my arsenal--denial. thank god for denial to help trick myself into thinking that I didn't miss my husband to be more than I could handle. I could feel that he was far, that was sure, but somehow there were were no tears, no mopey days and sleepless nights- thanks to my denial- I was able to enjoy most of my moments. It wasn't until yesterday, when I received an email from him, saying that he made it back to the capital city and was at an internet cafe. It was then that tears filled my eyes and came down. And then the moping set it. It was as if I hearing that he would be home in hours was all it took for me to let that defense mechanism fall away and those emotions spilled over the covering of my heart and sunk in. I could let myself miss him, and I could recognize how much I had been feeling, despite my attempts to ignore.
The morning he left, as we were driving to the airport he remarked how good it felt to wear adventure pants instead of slacks and carry a backpack instead of a computer bag. He was getting back to his roots. And seeing him get off the plane last night with his grown out beard, he looked exactly like when I first went to a KyMani Marley concert with him- he looked like he did when I fell in love with him. Back to his roots, and me, back from a city escapade, back to mine.
On the drive home last night, we took turns telling one another snippet stories about our trips. AMC seemed to experience a completely new something- a break from producing. There is hardly a more productive person. For him, if there is spare time he's on the computer drawing designs for athletic gear for the company he and his brother have created in honor of their youngest brother's life- called DieM. Or he is drawing, painting or practicing bowling. He is the ultimate do-er, for which I do my best in taking notes. He makes things happen. I can only imagine how unique it was to have so much time to hang out, to have spider monkeys drop nuts and small branches down on them to signal their territory, to have an anteater come down from it's tree to stake it's home as well. To spend the full moon night exploring the jungle and have kayak excursions during the day. To hold freshly hatched turtles and release them into the great wide ocean world. He remarked that it put his values into check, and brings him back with a fresh perspective. After talking last night, I said that if we were both computers, it was as if the trips we had taken had just freed up memory on our hard drive, cleansed.
One thing that suprised us both was AMC never drew in his notebook and I didn't do as much blogging as I thought I would. It turns out that the both of us were so taken with the moment, so fully present that we couldn't. It's like being in a beautiful place and so wrapped up in it that you forget to take a picture. Our trips, albeit drastically different jungles, provided such a blast of new- that our brains were busy processing, there was little room for creativity. But now, being home and comfortable- it's flooding in. For me, it's post after post I have for ideas. I'm mostly sure if I had a week off from work, I could spend it blogging, the whole of it.
So, perhaps that is what travel does. And why it is so important to partake in. Seeing new places uses new areas of your brain, and reminds your heart of what it really loves. It allows you to view the lives others are living, so different than your own, but yet, if chosen- you could do the same. For me, having my AMC so far, I learned that for me, our relationship is a home for me. It is out in the world that I take chances, sometimes getting bruised by experiences or by other people, but I always know that he is waiting for me, to comfort me, to remind me that I can take chances because I always have home to go back to. I think that is what marriage is, an initiation into a space that can be created between two people. A space where two people find solace in eachother's affection. A space of peace and calm inside of a world that can be vastly different.
The feeling of growing stronger after a time of separation reminds me of the wisdom of The Prophet. which says of Marriage:
"Fill eachother's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."
On our trips we both did what we love. I, exploring social culture and AMC exploring the animal world. Following our passions breeds passion.
Showing posts with label Going to the chapel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Going to the chapel. Show all posts
November 15, 2011
November 4, 2011
Reptiles and Wedding Dresses
What are these emotions, these reptiles that burrow in and must release many, many eggs of..sadness? For three days, it built up into one crying Thursday. and not the pretty cry either. This was the talk and cry at the same time kind. the type that between trying to emote what is so heartaching, and having to close your mouth for seconds while the tears cross your lips--there is little time to breathe. But since we need to breathe, these hideous gasps explode in between rants. Like I said, not the pretty cry.
Planning a wedding can be emotional. People can't come always, and that can hurt. People can say darnright mean things, and this particular time, it hurt. Hawaii can seem so far away, and so unknown. Airlines can hault booking tickets with frequent flyer miles while they merge businesses. These things happen day by day, and stack up inside until the day comes along when they have to be thrown up, or cried out. And who better to cry talk to then your fiance? We lunched yesterday, in the parking lot of McDonalds. AMC had to go inside because I was red, puffy and wet. And fully unable to order my chicken nuggets, he went into order and brought them to the car. I hardly remember dunking, chewing and swallowing. AMC did his best to calm and advise me, and even did well in sidestepping the jabs I sent his way, perhaps unconciously thinking I could jab away my sad.
My emotions must have been on the surface of my skin because clients for a meeting all asked me something that they never do... How are you doing today? Sometimes they ask the meaningless How are you? But on this Thursday, they meant it. And that was so nice, I almost cried. Sigh, but I didn't.
All of this came on a day when I had a wedding dress shopping appointment. Oh the days, I thought. Being in such a watery state, I wondered if I may stain the satin with mascara tears. A part of me wanted to cancel, but this is Danelli's- and appointments are coveted. So, I pushed through. With 99% of my emotions cried out, I was almost a blank canvas. Carol and I were introduced. Carol, in her fifities- was my wedding dress Mary Poppins yesterday, and she didn't even know it, didn't even try, she just was. She told me to pick 6 dresses to try on, I got to 5 and didn't desire the last based on what I saw so I said, Carol, with your twenty six years of experience, which dress do you recommend I try? And so she got it. It was the last dress I tried on, at the last store I know of in the area. I stepped in, Carol pulled it around me and I gasped. It's the one. And it's even at the original budget I shot for. When least expected it and most needed- my wedding angels swooped in, aligned Carol and I and gave me all that I needed, donned in what the card stated, Material: Satin. Color: Candlelight.
Arriving home, I was much more myself, probably much to AMC's relief. Excited and once again feeling things had hope, I didn't even feel like crying anymore, the reptiles were gone. We took our places on the couch and AMC looked over at me and said, "lunch was fun today, eating McDonalds in the car." I was bewildered. How could he find a crying Thursday lunch with me, fun? But, then I saw it his way, and agreed.
Planning a wedding can be emotional. People can't come always, and that can hurt. People can say darnright mean things, and this particular time, it hurt. Hawaii can seem so far away, and so unknown. Airlines can hault booking tickets with frequent flyer miles while they merge businesses. These things happen day by day, and stack up inside until the day comes along when they have to be thrown up, or cried out. And who better to cry talk to then your fiance? We lunched yesterday, in the parking lot of McDonalds. AMC had to go inside because I was red, puffy and wet. And fully unable to order my chicken nuggets, he went into order and brought them to the car. I hardly remember dunking, chewing and swallowing. AMC did his best to calm and advise me, and even did well in sidestepping the jabs I sent his way, perhaps unconciously thinking I could jab away my sad.
My emotions must have been on the surface of my skin because clients for a meeting all asked me something that they never do... How are you doing today? Sometimes they ask the meaningless How are you? But on this Thursday, they meant it. And that was so nice, I almost cried. Sigh, but I didn't.
All of this came on a day when I had a wedding dress shopping appointment. Oh the days, I thought. Being in such a watery state, I wondered if I may stain the satin with mascara tears. A part of me wanted to cancel, but this is Danelli's- and appointments are coveted. So, I pushed through. With 99% of my emotions cried out, I was almost a blank canvas. Carol and I were introduced. Carol, in her fifities- was my wedding dress Mary Poppins yesterday, and she didn't even know it, didn't even try, she just was. She told me to pick 6 dresses to try on, I got to 5 and didn't desire the last based on what I saw so I said, Carol, with your twenty six years of experience, which dress do you recommend I try? And so she got it. It was the last dress I tried on, at the last store I know of in the area. I stepped in, Carol pulled it around me and I gasped. It's the one. And it's even at the original budget I shot for. When least expected it and most needed- my wedding angels swooped in, aligned Carol and I and gave me all that I needed, donned in what the card stated, Material: Satin. Color: Candlelight.
Arriving home, I was much more myself, probably much to AMC's relief. Excited and once again feeling things had hope, I didn't even feel like crying anymore, the reptiles were gone. We took our places on the couch and AMC looked over at me and said, "lunch was fun today, eating McDonalds in the car." I was bewildered. How could he find a crying Thursday lunch with me, fun? But, then I saw it his way, and agreed.
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| photo via www.myspace.com |
October 3, 2011
Wedding dress personality quiz
It's becoming clearer and clearer just how decision making for moi is quite the task at times. Especially it seems at this Wedding of times. This time of marriage planning. First, choosing the locale, and presently, the wedding dress. Now, don't take me any other which way then, let me tell you, it hasn't gotten old trying on these "gala of your life" gowns (which I consider more poofy (or 'full' as the attendant may use) and dresses (which are more fitted). The thing is, they are all pretty. There are the ones that cling to your body and make you want to slinky dance. And the "full" dresses that make you want to put on elbow length gloves and for a second, think that maybe this is how Grace Kelly felt. But, it comes down to one. One luxurious dress will be worn, which one is it for me? This sounds like a Seventeen magazine quiz I probably did in middle school. But, really, which one is for me????
When in wedding dress style doubt: refer to women older than you (what did Grace Kelly chose?) Refer to google image and pinterest. Refer to the book "Committed" by Elizabeth Gilbert, which leads you to learn more on wikipedia that:
White did not become a popular option until 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Albert of Saxe-Coburg. Victoria wore a white gown for the event to incorporate some lace she prized. The official wedding portrait photograph was widely published, and many other brides opted for white in accordance with the Queen's choice.[4]
The tradition continues today in the form of a white wedding, though prior to the Victorian era, a bride was married in any color, black being especially popular in Scandinavia.[5] Later, many people assumed that the color white was intended to symbolize virginity, though this was not the original intention. (It was the color blue that was connected to purity.) The white gown is in fact a symbolic Christening gown.
What a thing to think:
We all (almost all anyway) wear white wedding dresses today because a Queen chose that color over 200 years ago because she liked some lace she had laying around. I wonder what she is thinking in her grave?
Whoa! This opens up even more options then, if I can wear any color I want. (eventhough I probably won't, because though I like to think about breaking the rules, I do favor tradition quite a bit (I think).
So, here is one of the searches of my soul at present. What is my dress, I mean really mine? In what manner of dressing would I most like to symbolize? Let's get some inspiration from styles of times passed, just for the fun of it....
When in wedding dress style doubt: refer to women older than you (what did Grace Kelly chose?) Refer to google image and pinterest. Refer to the book "Committed" by Elizabeth Gilbert, which leads you to learn more on wikipedia that:
White did not become a popular option until 1840, after the marriage of Queen Victoria to Albert of Saxe-Coburg. Victoria wore a white gown for the event to incorporate some lace she prized. The official wedding portrait photograph was widely published, and many other brides opted for white in accordance with the Queen's choice.[4]
The tradition continues today in the form of a white wedding, though prior to the Victorian era, a bride was married in any color, black being especially popular in Scandinavia.[5] Later, many people assumed that the color white was intended to symbolize virginity, though this was not the original intention. (It was the color blue that was connected to purity.) The white gown is in fact a symbolic Christening gown.
What a thing to think:
We all (almost all anyway) wear white wedding dresses today because a Queen chose that color over 200 years ago because she liked some lace she had laying around. I wonder what she is thinking in her grave?
Whoa! This opens up even more options then, if I can wear any color I want. (eventhough I probably won't, because though I like to think about breaking the rules, I do favor tradition quite a bit (I think).
So, here is one of the searches of my soul at present. What is my dress, I mean really mine? In what manner of dressing would I most like to symbolize? Let's get some inspiration from styles of times passed, just for the fun of it....
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