Reptiles and Wedding Dresses

What are these emotions, these reptiles that burrow in and must release many, many eggs of..sadness? For three days, it built up into one crying Thursday. and not the pretty cry either. This was the talk and cry at the same time kind. the type that between  trying to emote what is so heartaching, and having to close your mouth for seconds while the tears cross your lips--there is little time to breathe. But since we need to breathe, these hideous gasps explode in between rants. Like I said, not the pretty cry.

Planning a wedding can be emotional. People can't come always, and that can hurt. People can say darnright mean things, and this particular time, it hurt. Hawaii can seem so far away, and so unknown. Airlines can hault booking tickets with frequent flyer miles while they merge businesses. These things happen day by day, and stack up inside until the day comes along when they have to be thrown up, or cried out. And who better to cry talk to then your fiance? We lunched yesterday, in the parking lot of McDonalds. AMC had to go inside because I was red, puffy and wet. And fully unable to order my chicken nuggets, he went into order and brought them to the car. I hardly remember dunking, chewing and swallowing. AMC did his best to calm and advise me, and even did well in sidestepping the jabs I sent his way, perhaps unconciously thinking I could jab away my sad.

My emotions must have been on the surface of my skin because clients for a meeting all asked me something that they never do... How are you doing today? Sometimes they ask the meaningless How are you? But on this Thursday, they meant it. And that was so nice, I almost cried. Sigh, but I didn't.

All of this came on a day when I had a wedding dress shopping appointment. Oh the days, I thought. Being in such a watery state, I wondered if I may stain the satin with mascara tears. A part of me wanted to cancel, but this is Danelli's- and appointments are coveted. So, I pushed through. With 99% of my emotions cried out, I was almost a blank canvas. Carol and I were introduced. Carol, in her fifities- was my wedding dress Mary Poppins yesterday, and she didn't even know it, didn't even try, she just was. She told me to pick 6 dresses to try on, I got to 5 and didn't desire the last based on what I saw so I said, Carol, with your twenty six years of experience, which dress do you recommend I try? And so she got it. It was the last dress I tried on, at the last store I know of in the area. I stepped in, Carol pulled it around me and I gasped. It's the one. And it's even at the original budget I shot for.  When least expected it and most needed- my wedding angels swooped in, aligned Carol and I and  gave me all that I needed, donned in what the card stated, Material: Satin. Color: Candlelight.

Arriving home, I was much more myself, probably much to AMC's relief. Excited and once again feeling things had hope, I didn't even feel like crying anymore, the reptiles were gone. We took our places on the couch and AMC looked over at me and said, "lunch was fun today, eating McDonalds in the car." I was bewildered. How could he find a crying Thursday lunch with me, fun? But, then I saw it his way, and agreed.

photo via www.myspace.com